Surviving Cancer/Sustaining Self I: Mindfulness

During my lengthy and ultimately successful treatment for acute myeloid leukemia, there were several practices I deliberately engaged in to sustain myself throughout the ordeal. These will be the subject of my next few posts.

The first thing that sustained me was mindfulness.  It helped me bring a rich, non-judgmental awareness to each moment as it occurred and realize that everything else – ruminating about the past or worrying about the future – is just noise that detracts from the present moment.

Throughout multiple hospitalizations, prolonged treatments, and gradual recovery, mindfulness reminded me that although I could not control what I was experiencing, I could control how I experienced and responded to it. 

My hospital days thus followed a routine of mindful morning stretching and exercises, deep breathing and meditation during the day, evening yoga poses, and a bedtime body scan that led to a peaceful sleep interrupted only by the inevitable intrusions that punctuate every hospital night. The cumulative effect of these practices was a calm acceptance of my situation alongside a serene hope that all would work out for the best. 

As I noted in a previous post, I will never know if there was a causal connection between my practice of mindfulness and my recovery and survival. But I do know that this awareness kept me grounded, preserved my identity, and sustained my self through some harrowing times. That in itself felt like a major accomplishment.